something for you

I was browsing through my photos tonight and got creative and made a calender for my desktop. I like having a calender handy. So here's one for you too.

we all have them

Three words: day. from. hell.

Sorry to put it so bluntly but really, it's been terrible. I'll spare the details but today ranks right up there with one of the worst days I've ever had since starting my job in April.  Yeah today makes all of two really memorable and truly awful days at work. The worst being when I woke up ten minuets before I was meant to start. Then I killed a bird on the way to work and got stuck in traffic because of an accident. Things only got worse as the day went on. Not to mention that I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and die of homesickness.  So yeah, that was a really horrible, horrible day. 

And so was this one. Maybe not so dramatic. But there were lots of little things that, when combined, made my day so unbearable that the only solution was to pour a glass of red wine and eat courgette with lots of cheese sauce and baguette with dip and camembert cheese. It is quite possible that cheese is the answer to all my problems. I also may have called home and spent an hour speaking to the wisest and most encouraging person in the world. Ever. My mother. Wouldn't you if you had a rugby ball hurled into your face and still be the least of your concerns for the day?

I might possibly have a black eye in the morning. Let's hope not. Well, here's to headaches, unreliable emotions, encounters with rugby balls, good food, chocolate, a good night's sleep and bad days in general.  On that optimistic note, time for bed. I need that good sleep I just mentioned.

hi friends

Welcome to the secret life of Jo. I know you're coming for a nosy so I just thought I'd acknowledge the fact so as to narrow the gap between online and real life. I know I call this online thing real life and well, it is really, but it's also sorta inner life too. That's why I kinda write about real life but don't share it in real life. Make sense?

Anyway, have fun exploring. Tell me, do you see me in a completely different light now? Now that you know all my deep and dark secrets? Actually those are still to come...

No seriously, I think you are awesome.  You are true friends and bless me in ways that I can't begin to describe. 
xx

complexity

I've been thinking lately about how people are really incredibly complex beings. We think things and feel things that never make their way onto paper or get formed into words. But none the less, they exist. They are part of who we are and indeed, who we are becoming. Heart thoughts are sometimes so deep that I don't fully grasp their meaning straight away or even at all. They never quite make it onto the page because words are not enough. God works in us on a level so much deeper than words. So there are many times when I feel compelled to write something but find that even the right words are empty and inadequate. So I write about something else entirely. Thankfully I am not defined by the things I write about. Jhen Stark puts it beautifully, "My blog or your blog doesn't define who we are".  We are all more than the things we choose to write about.

revisiting purpose

I wrote this post one year ago today. I was reminded of it last night because actually, I wrote it on my brother's birthday. And today is his birthday (happy birthday, bro). I realized just how much I have grown since I wrote it yet the truth at its core is unchanged. I like that about the truth. It's trustworthy. It doesn't change. Only I do.

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I have a pretty ordinary life, there's not too much about it that screams "I'm special", "I'm super talented" or "pick me, I'm the best one for the job". No, outwardly I'm not that special (of course, In God's eyes, I'm something pretty special and that's all that really matters), I'm pretty average in my offerings of talents and I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone else. So, all in all, I appear quite ordinary to any stranger peering through the windows of my life.

I know so many Christians (myself included) who have grappled with the confusion and uncertainty of their identity and purpose in a life that is ordinary. I know so many people who have missed or ignored their purpose by trying to live a less ordinary life.

Today I've been thinking about purpose. About my purpose, about purpose in general, about how God thinks about purpose. It pops into my mind every now and then and I pause for a moment to ponder. I don't have a very visible part of church life, I don't have something specific that I feel my life is fulfilling its purpose for at the moment, I don't even really know what the purpose for my life is yet...but it doesn't matter. I don't have to know about a specific calling and purpose for my life is yet...but it doesn't matter. I don't have to know about a specific calling and purpose to my life right now. I don't need to seem like I'm fulfilling my purpose because I get a more 'visible' job or area of service. I don't need to seek approval from the world to affirm my purpose.

I am reading a book at the moment in which the author says, "In order to care for my wife, I resigned from full-time Christian service - something that represents the ultimate type of work to many believers. I struggled doing so, because I felt that my new role was not as significant as my previous one, I was looking merely through human eyes. As I came to see the importance of all good work, I saw purpose and value in what I did, that it pleased God and He would reward it."

I realized that I already have a purpose. If nothing else, my purpose in life is to worship God. And to serve Him. Plain and simple. Not anything too fancy or praiseworthy in the eyes of the world but there you go. Even if I never 'find a specific purpose' for my life, my life will not be (and is not) without purpose. His purpose for us doesn't just fit nicely into a box which we put a nice sounding label on. I am sure that God's purpose for me will take on various forms and they will change according to His leading. However, my primary purpose in life remains to give all glory to God. Without Him, I am nothing.

And as for the ordinary life I speak of, being ordinary is not that ordinary at all. Living in God's purpose and will in an ordinary life is far more fulfilling than living an extraordinary life without Him.